I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize