cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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