me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
