Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
