Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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