awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
