My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
