As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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