Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
