He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
