What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
