im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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