I'm pants shitting drunk right now
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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