I just threw up on my dentist
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
