some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
