I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
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i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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