dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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