so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
