If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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