There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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