I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
