i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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