direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
