That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
