Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
