is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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