I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize