Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
