saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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