If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
