a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize