I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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