Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
