I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
