We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
