i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
