People with herpes should wear stickers.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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