So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
