If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
high people should be assigned attendants
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
