rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
