Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
