Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
