I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize