ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
