There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
