I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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