he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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