I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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