My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
