thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
