Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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