i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
