Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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