Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
