i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.