As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
