Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down