Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.