but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.