I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO