i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.