Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I want a musical about memes.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
