I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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