hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
