there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
